Pneity

So much has happened to me in the last two months. I'll write it all down later but I realized my next problem is going to be my teeth falling out due to retreating gums. I have no more will to carry on. I want it all to end. I've accepted the end, officially. I have nothing to live for.

All my life, I've not enjoyed being very social. The holidays ruins a part of my soul after a few days of forcing it. But this year, I've hidden in a bit of a cave. And today, my brother, sister-in-law, and my two nephews visited. After we got a late lunch, they came to our house and have been hanging out. I sat in the dark living room with the boys in abject silence while my dad, brother, and the others hung out in the kitchen. I'm too depressed to even think about joining. I feigned illness and am now in the basement.

What I hate is that this is very real depression and it's ruining my current life. I'm going to look back on this in five years and I'm going to absolutely hate myself for doing this. I will want this opportunity so bad.