Pneity

In fifteen days, I go back home for good. Hopefully, with a job. HAH! I had my first interview yesterday. What a joke. I got a call last week to be called in for an interview. I got really excited. Once the interview rolled around, I got ready and all pumped up for it, and it turned out to be an interview for a placement agency. Thanks a lot, Bradford, pawning off your work to other companies now, are you? In other news, I hate school even more now, and my chances of maintaining Dean's List is just about slim to none, unless I do my Psychology paper tonight and turn it in tomorrow. Five pages, research in 12 hours, no sleep. Bah. I'll do it this weekend. HA! I rather enjoy wasting my life away instead. My Psychology grade is crap, as I got a low B on the test we took last week, stacked on top of another B and two Cs (not to mention missing a crap load of in class work from my lack of being able to wake up. I guess the irony is that my reserach topic is sleeping disorders.). I sure hope this paper ends up ok. Our networking assignment is stuck in the "finalizing" stage, where I have to get off my lazy ass and actually do something. How far fetched is that. Not having the internet in the dorms wore on my mind so much that I played Neverwinter Nights all through my Thanksgiving holiday. Not to mention having a crappy Thanksgiving break anyway. Freezing my butt off downstairs just to not be with my family. Yay. I'm sure they appreciated that a lot. But hey, I got through it with one casualty. A day with Sabrina ruined by sleep. I stayed out late with Chad and Joey the night before. We were having a good time, just hanging out like we used to. It was so refreshing, I couldn't stop smiling all night. I missed that so much, and, for the first time since high school, I wished I was back there. In fact, lately, I've really wished that I wasn't in my current situation. Stressed beyond imagination about what is to become of me after graduation. I have no car to get to work, so working iĂ a tough thing unless I work close to home (impossible, by the way). The work I have to do up to graduation is also a problem. Beyond that, I've lost all emotion this week. I caught a weird sinus cold on Monday, missed school, Tuesday was weird, and Wednesday was my Interview. I think I've lost Sabrina because I'm completely retarded and self centered. Which, I guess, is how I am. I have lost the patience to prove myself otherwise this week. I've lost the patience for just about everything lately. I've got so much I need to do, but I'm just sort of drifting through, procrastinating, and waiting. It's very dark where I am. And I'm sick of being cold. I mean that literally. Winter sucks. Almost as much as people. I hate people and the weather. I want to move south, but I'd get malaria or something with my luck. In summary, my life as of late has been a dark, bleak, and miserable existance and I can't wait for this stream of crap I'm being force fed to end. Whatever that may mean. I mean, for god's sake, this morning, I wanted to get hit by a bus or something just so I could not have to go to school and face the miserable day ahead of me. Is that a bad sign? I'd guess so. But, to ease your minds, I wouldn't bother doing something like that. I'm not completely crazy or anything. To wrap things up, I'm going to go to sleep now. When I wake up, I'll drudge through the last day of school for the week, then count the hours before I get to go home and have an awful weekend writing a report. How grim, right? Good freaking night.

Edit: I forgot about Christmas. I get to bitch, piss and moan about Christmas. This is the most depressing time of the year for me these days, as opposed to when I was a kid. I can't afford presents for anyone, so, as usual, I get to just take and be greedy, as usual. Which is the biggest thing to piss me off. Someday, I'd like to actually give something back.

Things were looking up. We fixed our problems later that very night. What a disgusting situation. But it's over. Two hours of crying in the hallway with her, but we got through. The weekend came without incident, and I went to music Friday. We went for about an hour, Todd and Ryan where there, but no Rachel. We talked for a while, watched some wrestling. After I got home, I played guitar with my parents for a while, trying to figure out how to play "What Child is This" like Todd Sr. does. Got it, too. It's an F chord. Har har. After figuring that out, we played about a half hour, then watched some boxing. Good times with my dad. I was happy after that. Spent Saturday doing nothing until I found out Sabrina made it home. She invited me over, and I went to see her. Well, I got snowed in and stayed the night. I ate more butter cookies than any one person could physically withstand. Afterwards, we watched Unleashed and Anchorman. Two awesome movies. The strangest thing set me into a bad mood that night, despite everything being nice. Her sister wore a mid-length skirt to a Christmas party, and I guess it subconsciously reminded me of how much I hate the winter, and how far away the world is from being how I want it. It's a real pain for me. I know that I just have to get over it, though. There are a lot of things I can't change. I went home the next day in time to watch the Steeler game with my dad. What a depressing game. I ended up playing Neverwinter Nights instead of actually paying attention. I played that for a few hours waiting for Sabrina and her family to come pick me up to get me to the dorms. They showed up really late, and I still had the five page report to write. I stayed up all night and did it. Note to self: Always write things in Times New Roman. I used Constantia, the next generation replacement for it, but I didn't realize how much bigger it was. I wrote the five page paper... but it was only a four and a half page paper. Freaking MicrĂsoft. I realized that the next day when I got into school. I ended up showing Jimm and Brandon Neverwinter Nights, then hurredly printed out my research references in time to turn them in the next period. Procrastination got the better of me. Especially since I slept through second hour Psychology and Public Speaking. Probably lost a bunch of points I can't afford in those classes. I'm just glad that the paper is behind me. I went to sleep after school without second thought or food. I woke up sporadically to Cory questioning me about the condition of the Internet, which was down again. At 9:30, Sabrina and a friend came to my room looking for me, so I woke up and went to her room. Problems ensued, but we resolved them. We've lately realized the error in our ways, and are working to resolve them, so we won't have problems in the future. We're growing together, not apart. That's the importance of a relationship, isn't it? Lately, I've though a lot about how I would like to change people. My biggest beef with people is a total and disgusting lack of self respect. People hold no value in themselves. They don't strive to better themselves. I don't how to properly transition that into what I really feel. I speak hesitantly, because to think the way I do is highly debatable, and I just can't defend how I feel. I'll leave my opinion unsaid, because it isn't ready for publication. In the mean time, I'm freezing cold and it's 2:30 AM. G'night, all.

It's been cold. Really cold. I did my demonstrative speech yesterday, and freaking owned it. I did it on Stepmania and DDR. I outlined the basics, then performed Quasar for them. I even passed it, kneeled in front of the lecturn. Talk about hard. Afterwards, I went back to the dorms, CG anime searched for a few hours, then went to sleep. Upon waking up, I went to watch SVU with Sabrina. It was a very nice night, and we just sort of hung out. Awesome stuff. She made my whole life worthwhile last night, too. She said that as a Christmas gift, she'd let me ride the T to school for the whole last week of school before I graduate, and she'd wear a skirt (yeah, not just the ugly kind, the ones I like, and am obsessed with) on each of those days. Talk about exciting. Squeee! Anyway, the night was cold, as usual. The next day, we walked to school. Sabrina, Cory, and me. Nothing too interesting the whole time except the biting cold of walking across that god forsaken bridge. Smithfield, how I hate you. School went by, I was supposed to do my Psychology presentation today on sleeping disorders, but they ran out of time just as it was my turn. Awesome. Cory, Sabrina, Yuki, and I all walked together from school. I like good times like that. I've got good friends, I'll miss them so much. More than I know, I guess. Once back at the dorms, I intarwebbed for a while, took another nap, then went to Sabrina's for the evening. 'Twas a nice night. Really nice. I got even more excited for next week in the process. Not a whole lot going on other than that, though. I kind of want to stay this weekend, but at the same time, I really don't want to. Two parties here at the dorms, the computer student graduation party as well as Sabrina's get together, if that's what you could call it. Heh. But I need to spend my last weekend at home. Maybe I'll get something done. Maybe. Just downloaded some Mannheim Steamroller music. Listening to it now. It's so great. I guess I'll wrap this all up. G'night.

What a stressed school day. Awoken at 3 AM for being retarded. I woke up at 6:30 the next morning, just to reset my alarm. But instead of the normal 7:00 AM, I set it to 8:30 and forgot to turn it back to normal clock mode. Boy, I must have been out of it. Lucky for me, I woke up naturally, and rushed to get ready in about 15 minutes. Eating poptartsĂon the run, and milk in a disposable cup isn't fun first thing in the morning. School sucked. No Psychology speech, yet again. But I have a test tomorrow. No ground gained in Networking, but now I've got a retarded little assignment on top of that. Aargh. I've really lost the will to do anything in school, haven't I? I got back to the dorms, and talked to Cory, who didn't make it to school today. I CG anime searched some more, then made porkchops. I ate, then hung out with Sabrina some more. Nice time, but I was tired, came back early. The storm rolled in tonight, and for about a half hour, I couldn't even see the Mellon building, which is no more than 5 blocks away. It's still snowing, but the visibililty is back. Traffic on the highways below is just about stopped, but at least it isn't busy out there. My parents called to warn me about the snow and I told them to watch the delays tomorrow. Judging by what we got, I don't look for anything. I downloaded Band Aid's old christmas song, and the remake and I can't stop listening to the old one. It's making me nostalgic, but I wasn't really familiar with it before. I don't know why, but Christmas music makes me nostalgic. I fear that that will only get worse with time. I'm struck with the fear of how much I'll miss it up here at school, and how much I miss being home. And how much I miss my high school friends, and how much I miss swimming. I miss Summer. But I guess I have to put that behind me. Why am I having such a hard time with putting things behind me lately? I hate the winter. I hate being hopeless like this. I need some relaxation time. Time to not worry about anything at all. But I can't forsee that any time soon. Time to graduate and get a job now. One week of school left. Just one week... Still looking forward to next week. <3.

What a weird day yesterday was. I skipped school because of the snow. Sabrina left a note under my door saying she was going to skip and I should go see her when I get back. Well, I went to her room, but she wasn't there. About a half hour later, she gets back from school. Her friend called to tell her to go to school. She had a test. She had to get ready for work, and since she caught a cold, I was debating internally whether to stay with her for the weekend, since she had to stay to work. I decided to stay, and when I called home to tell my family, my dad informed me that my sister was already on her way. I call her, and she's at Century III mall, and not answering her phone. I get stressed out because I don't know if I'll get picked up to go home. That's when Sabrina goes to work. I get a call in my dorm room about a half hour later from her, and she's just fine with my decision, and asking me what I want for Christmas (just great. Really.). Sabrina called from work shortly thereafter, and I cleared everything up with her. Yay. I installed Fedora Core 4 on my laptop once again, and was working on updating all my packages. Sabrina got back early, and I spent some time with her in her room. She went to room 501 shortly thereafter, and I went back to my room to eat pizza with Cory. Afterwards, I went down to 202, where the big gradution party was. It was basically Sausagefest 2005. Brandom, Jimm, Hobson, Randy, and I were the only ones there while I was there. We danced to the blaring music, and the only light we had was the strobe light in the corner. At one point, we started break dancing. I like break dancing, but not when I hurt myself. I did some sort of thing on my head, and instead of rolling onto my butt, I feel on my back. I immediately continued rolling to sitting position, and came to the realization that I might have broken my hip. It hurt a lot, so I left just as more people were supposed to show up. I ended up spending the rest of the night with Sabrina. We had a wonderful night except my pain, and her cold. A couple of sickley people we are. ĂWe had a nice night, and this morning, woke up, watched some TV, and she got ready and went to work. I'm back in my room now, listening to Nickel Creek's latest album. Own. Pure Pwnage 9 comes out later, rock on. I hope AMV Hell finishes downloading before that comes out. In the mean time, I'll sit here alone in my room, hurting. I'm going to ask my parents to bring up my sister's old crutches if they come bring me groceries. This is my first and last weekend here at the dorms. I should be happy, but I'm not.

It's so strange how people who once tormented you can grow up and share interests with you. I was searching on MySpace the other day, for people I might have once known. I only found one person. Someone who acted so arrogantly towards me that I couldn't think of myself as a person anymore. Over time, I realized how petty everything was at the time, and I overcame it and became the person I am today. It seems to me, he did the same thing, and with a similar later order. Reading his MySpace was like looking at my own, interest wise. That's so awesome. I should talk to him or something. Meh. Perhaps I'm reading way to much into this.

Weird stuff. I've been meaning to neander a short entry for the last few days based on some thoughts I've had. Mainly, it's how negativity affects people. A guy could treat a woman like absolute crap, abuse her, and cheat on her, and she'll stick around and think herself to blame. Whereas, a woman could be treated right, and be content with her relationship but without reassurance, she loses trust in herself as a person. It's all too common. Self identity is too important for this sort of stuff. Anyway, how am I doing? My parents came up Sunday morning, I got back to my room from Sabrina's just in time to get their call. I watched AMV Hell 0 and 3 (Mistake, and awesome) while I waited for them to get here. Once they did, we got my stuff in, and I realized that I didn't really need the crutches anymore. My hip doesn't hurt much anymore. Go figure on that. Sabrina and I had our movie day, we watched Pure Pwnage 9 as well as AMV Hell 3. Then, I took my laptop back, ate some reheated porkchops, then I went back to watch the Back To The Future trilogy. We got through the first two before her roomates got back. I left before that. Cory decided to watch the entire series of Cowboy Bebop in an allnighter, while playing WoW. He did. I watched the first 9 or so with him until about 2 AM, when I went to sleep. The next morning, he was almost done and I went to school on the T with Sabrina. She looked nice, but she was cold all day. I had a crappy day. I got an 88 on my research paper, which was nearly the lowest in my class. People who copy/pasted from their internet sources did better than me. I did my speech this same day, and got a 73/75 on it. Pwnt. I was pleased, but not entirely ready. I was tired when I did it, but I think it surprised Mrs. R. Ha. Yeah, I actually tried to write my paper, unlike most others. Second wave of Impromptu speeches had me sum up The Matrix in one sentence. Thanks to Pascal for actually picking up my reference. Rode the T home with Sabrina and Yuki. Sabrina and I went to the bank from there, and then, back to the dorms. We ate some Subway, then took a long, long nap. We woke up around 10, started on our laundry and watched the third Back to the Future. This week has been just about perfect between Sabrina and I. I'll miss her so much when I move out of here, but look forward to having our special weekends again. They make me really appreciate things better. And lately, I've had just that problem. I had so many mood swings today, it was disgusting. Anyway, I'm tired, need sleep. G'night.

Today, I slept through my alarm. Another day catching up in the morning. Quick breakfast, and quick shower, I had enough time to get everything ready. Once ready, we went outside with Sabrina and Sam, and we saw a friend of theirs in her car on the way down the hill. She gave us a ride to school. How nice. School was uneventful. I got a copy of Windows Server 2003 R2 from Mr. C through the MSDNAA thing. Awesome. After school, we rode home on the T. I ate some hot dogs, then went to hang out with Sabrina. Nicole and Yuki were there. They're a cute couple, and I wish them the best. Sabrina and I got ready to go shopping, then to the Winter Gardens at PPG Place, ice skating. That was really fun, but it's über cold, and the skates rubbed up against my legs, causing some pretty painful marks. We came home, and I took a shower. Cory started on the series Trigun. Now, I'm headed to sleep. Perhaps I can get a nice night of sleep tonight.

Uneventful day, really. I got to school. What a bitter cold morning it was. It chilled me to the core. But I woke up on time, at least. School was pretty uneventful. Got no progress on anything, but I found out that I absolutely need to get a perfect on tomorrow's Psychology test or I get a B and ruin my shot at Dean's List. Other than that, Sabrina left school early, which started me on a downhill mood for the rest of the day. Lonely ride home on the T, I got back and started cleaning, then I started packing. Pizza boxes fold? Anyway... I disassembled the desk while Cory listened to boy band music, and I took a nap afterwards. I woke up to get working on my networking project, but that never came to be. What a shame. My key for Visio didn't even work. I figure, why bother trying now. I'll do it in school tomorrow. I just ate some chili and rice sent up by my parents last weekend. It, as always, was delicious. Sleepy time for me now, g'night.