Pneity

I should preface this with a hope that nobody becomes alarmed when they read this. There is absolutely no cause for concern. Nothing is going to happen to me any time soon so long as I have a say in it.

However, today, I came to terms with how I know things are going to end. When the good things run out and life presses on, I will hit a point where it wwon't be worth it anymore. To some, a medical condition can be a mild inconvenience until they lose the fight. To some, homelessness is a hurdle that they feel they can fight and eventually overcome. To some, eternal loneliness is something calming. To some, their personal endeavors are enough to help them carry on.

I am not any of those things. When the situation becomes more dire than I can bear, I will no longer bear them. A permanent solution to a temporary problem is sufficient for me. I've been fighting too long and I know the fight will not end. When the fight is too hard, I will simply leave. Same as I always have done.

So I just watched The Supreme Court end democracy. Now, we have the worst in line for president, who is sure to lose in November saying:

"I am running. I am the leader of the Democratic Party. No one is pushing me out. I’ve been knocked down before and counted out my whole life. When you get knocked down you get back up."

Weird words we'll hear echo in our minds as we watch our friends get rounded up and our resources run dry.

I don't ever post about the world outside myself, let alone from a political standpoint. I don't even really make my political opinions known, even to friends. If you know my vibe, you can generally figure it out. Even my family has accused me of things that aren't the case. Let it be known here that I will do my part to try to avoid the inevitable. But this November, America is going to take the first full step into failure. And then, it'll be months of suffering.

The good news is that if I'm wrong, I can make the same post in July 2028 and then I'll be right.

It's been a tumultuous few weeks recently. I've had a lot to think about and a sheer cliff of things to do ahead. Parents were away, camping in another state for the week, so I was just enjoying the quiet and taking care of the dog. First weekend: on call work weekend.

I took over my shift at 7 AM and worked until 3 PM. A voicemail came in a half hour later, teammate didn't pick it up. So I grabbed it, worked an extra hour. We had a lot of friends in the Discord today so I had to part ways and go to bed with a heavy heart. But I was still tired so I was well ready.

Woke up to my phone screaming work alerts. There were probably a dozen of them, all going off at once. I didn't even know Android could do that. Hour and a half until I pick up the on call. That got me out of bed. Parents got home earlier today and were already in bed. The house was really dark.

Got into the car and ran to the local Sheetz. Almost stopped somewhere closer but made the last second call to keep driving. The place was so, so busy. Ordered food, grabbed a candy bar, some drinks, and checked out. Took about a half hour to get the food the place was so busy.

While waiting, I saw a friend of my sister who is one of the best restaurateurs of the area. The weird thing about recognizing someone in public is that sometimes it's one sided. Dude has no idea who I am so I didn't say hi. I saw how long the line was from the orders screen and took out my phone to pass some time.

Whoops.

Apparently, while I was asleep today, there was a political rally in my region and history was made. In the grand scheme of things, I feel like this may be something that gets talked about for the rest of this country's history as a wild thing that happened and could have been so much worse.

I have recently been assuming that wherever the presidential race stands, the next thing that happens will be both huge and will be the least expected thing. The conversation from week to week feels like an entirely different situation. It's exhausting. I'm exhausted now and we're months out.