Pneity

Happy June! Yesterday was boring. I got back to the dorms after school, ate a brownie, went to sleep. I slept until around 2 AM, then had a boring morning. So boring that I'm almost ready for school today, and it's only 7 AM. I accomplished nothing major yesterday. I'll just leave it at that. I don't even feel like ranting! Ha!

Bleh. Today, school was a normal day, I guess. I got less done than usual. But I'm proud of the VB.NET opacity FOR loop, and the shaking textboxes I made. After school, I did the dishes, which is always an annoyance. I relaxed a moment moĂe, then I took to the streets. I went to Station Square to play some DDR. I had never done such a thing after school hours, and I must say, it was nothing special. If anything, it was easier to play with dress shoes on than the tennis shoes I wore today. I passed every song but TwinBee, which was the 15th song I did (oh, and I failed... The Least 100 Sec. too, but that doesn't count), and the last. I got back and slept all day. Now, I woke up around 11:30, and I'm angry. The internet is torrent clogged, and I can't even ping the router now. Aargh. I'm going back to sleep.

In the spirit of a quick update because I'll be leaving to go home for the weekend here in a little bit, I'll keep this short. Last night, around 2 AM, I tried to go to sleep. I laid in bed for about an hour, got no sleep. Around 5, I was very tired, and finally found it in myself to fall asleep. TOO LITTLE TOO LATE, DAMMIT! Anyway, I was way too tired to wake up for school this morning, so I didn't. I missed even more school. So much for the whole "I can't miss anymore" idea, eh? Meh. I get to go home and forget about my problems. create entirely new problems at home. See you all Monday.

So, it's been a rollercoaster ride of a last few days. Thursday night, I was up all night from an allergy attack. I slept all day Friday, missing class. Dammit. I went home, waited at home for a while until Kelly called to tell me when she would pick me up to take me to see BVA's commencement. And I saw it indeed. It was nice. Sabrina graduated, and we all went back to her house. When we did, we ate, talked, took pictures, and lightswitch raved. Afterward, we watched Meet the Fockers, which ended up being a good movie, and then we went to sleep. We took our time leaving the next morning, but we came back to my house for the barbeque we were having. And what I didn't expect to see was the bad side of my family there. But they were there, and I was pretty mad about it. I held it in, because I can't be rude to them. Everything was going wonderfully until we played Croquet. Sabrina didn't want to, but was drafted into it by my mom. Sabrina had a miserable time, not so much because the game sucked, but more that she didn't want to have fun, she was worrying about being shy. So, we fought for a while. We eventually made up, and hung out outside for the rest of the night. The bonfire was made just in time for Sabrina's mom to call and come pick her up. Tony, the local guitar legend showed up and showed us his skill with a Hendrix style national anthem. Heh, it owned. Anyway, I'm tired now. Probably won't got to sleep any time soon, though. G'night for now. Edit: Talk about amazing... I just had a short jam session with Tony Caparella (spelling may be ruined there...). He's the local guitar legend, and a good friend of my dad. It was pretty humbling to play with him. He made my simple chord strumming sound wonderful with his overlaying riffs. Wonderful stuff.

Today, I woke up. Around noon. It felt real good, but I was having weird, vivid dreams again. These dreams suck. Two days in a row, what's with that? Aargh. Anyway... At around 2 PM, I walked outside, and was greeted by Tony again. He came back for more. We played guitars almost all day. Hours upon hours of guitar playing. I can't even feel the fingers on my left hand now. Typing this is difficultĂ Tony is an amazing guy. I would like if someday, I could play guitar... or even do anything, that well. Not only that, but to be a generally affable person while instructing. Almost on a peer level. Around 5 PM, I called Sabrina's house, but she wasn't there. She stayed at the pool to work the snack bar for someone. She called shortly afterwards, and I asked if she'd come over after work, and she and her father did. Her father even stayed and watched us play music for a while. He seems nice, but I think he hurt himself when the crappy plastic chair he was sitting on gave out and 'escorted' him to the ground. A few hours later, and a lot of talking and relaxing at home, my mom got me to update the Stewart Family Reunion invitation address labels. Casey chased me out of the house because she's taking me back to school now. It's so late, this is the latest I've ever returned to school. It's almost 1, and we're just getting on Carson Street. Almost there. I do not look forward to school tomorrow. Oh, well. Looks like I'll have to just deal and get through.

What a day. What a week, really. The last two days have been pretty average. With the exception, that I've started gaming, and quit gaming again within the two day span I haven't worked on the website. Chris found a game called ROSE Online. Fun game, very fun. Very cutsey, too. My style of MMORPG, it seems. I played for two days, got to level 17 before I got tired of being the 'gimpy class' and gave up. Gave Chris my 20k gold, and all my good items and quit. The only thing that will bring me back to the gaming world is one where I can completely customize my character. If I want freckles on my character's ass, I can put freckles on my character's ass. No more of this 7 faces, 4 hairstyles crap, handful of clothes crap. And would it hurt to balances your skill trees a bit? *coughasheronscall2cough* Anyway... I quit that today. In school, we had our Unix final today. Installing Mandrake 7.1 along with setting it up properly. Mine was stressful, since the printer refused to work, as well as my general fumbling lack of talent with Linux. I hope to rectify my problems with it tomorrow. All that gave me a headache, but I was wearing the Fedora and a tie, so at least I looked cool. We got kicked out of the computer lab by the administration of the school during our nonexistant Professional Development class, so we had to go elsewhere for that class. I walked across the street from the mall at Station Square, to the fountain by the river and saw Pascal standing in the water jets, soaking wet in his school clothes. I worry about him sometimes, but we had a nice conversation by the fountain. Until the lolis showed up. Freaking elementary school field trips. Freaking North Allegheny, class of 2010. I want to be back in Elementary school again. No stress there. Crap, I was too young to even understand stress. And now, I'm too stupid not to stress. Stupidity is the only cause I can think of for me delaying my work so much. I need a swift kick in the ass, but I don't think I'll be getting it in time. I can only hope I get motivated, and soon. I took comfort in the 90 degree weather we had today, and then felt like a hypocrite when I came back to the dorms and sat around in the air conditioning. It's beautiful out now, even in the night, there's a swift, cool breeze going. I'm thinking about getting dressed in some real clothes and going for a walk. I haven't been on a nice walk in some time. I just may do that now. Farewell for now.

Sorry, again, for the lack of recent updates. As mentioned weeks ago, it's hard to update from home. Anyway, Thursday went by like it never happened, and Friday was pretty uneventful. Sabrina held up to her word from last weekend, which ended up in a good bit of self realization and acceptance for me. And for you all to know just what I'm talking about would take too much back story. Anyway, Friday was nice. Music was interesting. A bit disappointing that Rachel wasn't there, and Kelly wasn't there either. Made for a more interesting Todd, but a less interesting night. We sat around and watched Law and Order for the night. Saturday, I woke up around 11, and headed out to the pool. Sabrina came earlier than I had expected, so she arrived as I was getting in the shower. I didn't take the shower, but we headed off to the pool. Fun day. We swam a bit before Sabrina worked. I swam some more while she worked, then went and hung out with the strange people working the snack bar. I don't like the current management of the pool. I don't know any of them, and they don't seem to have done much to make the pool better this year. Not that anything can be done at this point. I wish someone would intervene there, perhaps get the pool out of the control of the Grange and their dry, old, greedy ways. Perhaps some day, I can do something with that place, and make it nice like the older people say it once was, and more similar to how I remember it to be back when I was young. Anyway, once Sabrina got off work, it started storming, but with no lightning, we were able to swim through it. Sabrina got cold, so we went to Meghan's graduation party on the hill. We were all cold then, so we rode home with her dad. I discovered that the water was out, so I still couldn't bathe the filth off of me, but nevertheless, it was a nice night at home. Around 1 AM, I watched Anchorman. I fell asleep 'playing' (more like wĂtching) Osaka-Sim. Which brings me to today. I woke up, realized how sunburned I was, and how it made me sleep crooked, making my neck hurt. I watched flash movies, listened to music, and watched the History channel all day. Sabrina stopped by on her way home from work, but that was more of a "hello, I can't talk" sort of deal, making it more sad than it was worth, perhaps. Funny how things flip over, isn't it? Last year, she would always want to be with me, but I worked just about every day (I was one of two lifeguards). Now, she works there, and I'm at home on the weekends, and when I'm at home, I want to see her. But she works, so it's tough. I guess it'll all work out somehow, eventually. I'm excited for this week to end. I don't want to go through this week, though. It's not fun scrambling to get 5 or 6 weeks worth of work done. Bah. I'm going to sleep now, anyway. It's late, and I have a long day ahead of me tomorrow.

All week, a huge amount of stress has been above my head. And by my own choice, since procrastinating 8 weeks worth of work is now catching up with me. This week has been a busy week, but for all the wrong reasons. I decided that I'm going to reformat my computer this week. Naturally, I took up the task with open aĂms, as an escape of doing all the school work I need to get done. So now, here I am, the night before everything is due, doing Visual Basic .NET assignments. Aargh. I didn't really realize how inept I am at coding in VB before. I'm being stumped by a program that I have code laying in front of me. So, other than that, I'm waiting to get all of this crap done so I can wipe my hard drive clean tomorrow after all this mess is done. In the mean time, I've had some very interesting email conversations with a very old friend, reminescing of old times, and of philosophies long gone. I miss that stuff so much... especially now. I just want things to be less chaotic for a while. I want to graduate. My server is in a few pieces on the floor, holding backups of my data. I guess the upcoming two week break is a relief, but at the same time, I have so much to worry about before I can do that. On a ligher note, half of my class has been getting into Photoshopping Jedi lightsaber effects into videos, and I will take that project up over the break. This week, nothing really interesting has happened. I had my mock interview for Professional Development, finished my r?um?yesterday. I haven't had time to breathe easy, but I've been slacking all week. Hindsight is 20/20, I guess. I'll be up all night, I know it. I've got three and a half more VB assignments, and another 7 assignments to do in Network Administration. I enjoy this stuff, but it's such a chore now. Why can't I like programming anymore? I guess I'm infinitely happy that we got the option to switch over to Networking. Programming would have been hell for me, I'm sure. I don't have the patience for this crap. Another concern I'm having is what to do with this web server over the break. I want to take it with me, and work with it, but at the same time, I want to take it home as a toy. Any way I look at it, I'm indecisive. I feel like I had something to rant about when I sat down here, but I seem to have forgotten it. Oh, well. G'night.

What a day. I got nearly three hours of sleep last night. Woke up this morning, got ready for school, said goodbye to Chris for his vacation (he was leaving early in the day, I wouldn't see him again.), then headed to school. I got most of my work done, but I'm not pleased with my final grades. I'll have to really step it up from here on out. That's a promise. Anyway, I got back from school around 2:30, started reformatting my computer. I got Windows XP back up and 'running', but didn't configure or install anything before I set my sights to partitioning and Fedora Core 4. I installed Fedora Core 4 while going back and forth from Randy's new room. He got a new speaker system setup in his new corner room, and we were watching Black Hawk Down to celebrate. And celebrate we did. There were even porkchops in the equation. Sweet. So, anyway... Fedora failed to install three times in a row. It wasn't until I let the fourth disc go, and went to do my Unix final presentation with Hob that it actually installed right. Anyway, the dual boot is up, and I configured Windows to my liking, now I just have to organize things. I have yet to test Fedora if it runs, and I may do that before passing out for the night. I'll be up in a few hours anyway. Late night, needless to say. Tomorrow is my last day of school before a two week break, signifying my last six months of classes are on the horizon. So, I'll be getting ready to go home for a nice, well earned vacation tomorrow. I haven't heard from my family, other than a message on the answering machine from today, while I was out and about. Damn my busy life of idling. Haha. It's sure nice to be back to comfort instead of that hectic rushing I was doing yesterday. Heh. G'night.

Friday went by nicely. Our Powerpoint presentation on Samba Server crashed and burned in OpenOffice, but we still presented. When we got back to the dorms, I tried configuring wireless on the laptop in Fedora, and failed at the very beginning. After feigning defeat, I was informed that my sister was already on her way to pick me up, so I got my stuff together, cleaned up, and left. I waited outside the doctor's for Casey for about 20 minutes, then got home. Sabrina came over, and Kelly called and invited us over for the night. They came over about a half hour later, and we all went to Wendy's, where I had the door held for me by Sabrina, as well as her paying for my meal, which made me feel terrible. We visited Kelly's grandma, and I got even more confused about Kelly's general manner. Her grandma, and the random old guy there George, were some of the nicest people I've met in recent memory. We talked over an hour. Afterward, we went to Kelly's, and I fell asleep right off the baĂ from my lack of sleep. Sabrina, on the other hand, couldn't sleep, and heard... improper things. At least, improper things for when your friends might be asleep right freaking next to you. I'll refrain from my opinions on their relationship, but I didn't even realize what was going on until today, in fact, almost just now, when I was told why Sabrina couldn't sleep that night. Aargh. Anyway, Saturday was a nice day, Sabrina came over, since she didn't work, and we had a nice day together, watching movies. I was up most of the rest of the night organizing my harddrives, as I said I was going to. This could take a while, going through all my mp3s. Anyway, around 2, Sabrina called me, and asked me if I would go to a party with her family, so I said I would. My mom played an awesome song for me while I waited. A Los Lonely Boys performance on CMT, where they sing an amazing song with some perfect harmony, which, naturally, I liked. Her family came and picked me up, and I got very car sick on the way there. I got over it quick when we got there. I had a wonderful day. We ate, had a singalong, with Toni's guitar, and all the young people at the party singling along to "Last Kiss" by Pearl Jam and "Hotel California." I talked to her family a good bit today, and I really enjoyed it. On the way back, we talked about Friday night. Aargh, that angers me. I'm not entirely sure why their relationship angers me so, but I've ruled out jealosy, and I've ruled out other major personal faults, but it just angers me. Aargh. I hate talking about people behind their backs, but perhaps in this situation, I just can't help it. I have nobody to talk to about it. Sabrina is close to Kelly, and the one I'd go to about it is involved. Guilt now.

I sulked all morning. And was generally bored. I even got on the crappy dialup internet and talked to Rachel for a while. Always a pleasure. My dad made a turkey dinner for my mom before she went to work, which happens to be around the same time I woke up. I woke up, and was starving. But I waited an hour to eat, and when I did, I didn't eat much. Then I felt sick. I started to feel better after a shower and shave. Sabrina spared me my bad mood around 6:30 PM when she came over. We had a nice night, watched Independence Day and Anchorman. I had to take the computer speakers from the family computer to my laptop in the living room because I don't have composite wires for the s-video output I use to play things on the TV. Oh, well. We got some sweet sound out of those speakers. Today, I had a slight epiphany. I realized that I need a chance to get away from the general direction of my life. I realized that I haven't seen any of the world, and once I'm out of school, I've got to change that. I'll get a job, a car, save up, and take myself a trip to some odd place outside of Pennsylvania and West Virginia and Ohio. On the subject of Ohio, I have decided to move there when I'm 22 years old. Stupid state grants will keep me here for now, but I can't stand the terrain here. I got carsick yesterday during a half hour car trip.

Interesting day. Sabrina showed up this afternoon right on time, I was brushing my teeth. Life is simpler at home. I've got nothing to worry about. Dinner was being made when I woke up. My mom even got called off of work, so making dinner that early didn't make much sense in hindsight. Anyway, we had a nice day. Sabrina and I slept, watched some history on Neandrethals, so she looked up some things in the bible to show me afterwards. Of course, I was put off by that, but I guess that's to be expected. After that, we watched some old game shows, then turned the TV Ăff and talked for a while, eventually falling asleep. Upon waking up, I installed Photoshop on my laptop and then we came upstairs and ate. While waiting for my mom to make more biscuits, my sister harassed me for using cold water to stir the kool-aid into. While eating, I commented on Sabrina's skirt, and she called me a perv. I felt wonderful after that. Thanks, Casey, you're a wonderful and thoughtful person. After that, I convinced Sabrina to have some ice cream cake without me, because I can't eat it due to my sensitive teeth, and I know she loves the stuff. We watched National Treasure afterward, which turned out to be a great movie. Half way through, she asked if she could stay the night so as not to inconvenience her mother. Shortly after the movie, her parents came for her anyway. Figures. So much for a happy restful night with the one I love. I guess it's just not in the cards at this point in my life to be with her. As if spending all day with her isn't enough. Meh, I blather. She left afraid that her mother would be mad at her, and I safely assumed the worst. I wish her the best. On a slight note, I have to say that Futurama is a great show, and it's a shame I can't watch it during the week up at school. Anyway... I'm sitting here, blogging to my TV, since I still haven't unhooked everything from watching National Treasure through my laptop since Casey let a friend borrow the Playstation (aka, the only DVD player this house has ever seen.) Meh. G'night. Oreo time.

Wednesday, I headed out to the pool for a relaxing day with friends. Sabrina had to work at 4, but we went around 2, so she had time to swim. I just ended up being attacked by the children of the pool, and we wrestled around in the water as usual. The pool is so poorly managed now, though. It's iron fist managed, and directed at all the wrong things. There is almost no element of fun left at that place. How sad, I say. If I worked there this year, I would have quit by now. I can't handle that crap. Anyway, Rachel was at the pool with some group, and it was nice to hang out with her for a few hours. Always nice to catch up on old times. Anyway, we went back to my house after Sabrina got off work. Sabrina ended up staying the night due to the lack of a ride home. I, of course, didn't mind. We stayed up until around 3:30, just talking. I love nights like that. Around then, I got a sharp headache, and decided to take some Advil and go to sleep. So I did. We woke up at 10 the next 08:00 and she left to go to work. I Linuxed it up while she was gone, but when she got back, we slept some more. Got about 4 hours mid afternoon sleep. 'Twas nice. We played Linux games for about an hour after I ate, then she left, and here I am, Linuxing it up some more. Found some really nice programs in the bowels of this opearating system, but I still have yet to find a way to make the files on my archive partition writable by anyone but root. Oh, well. I'll figure it out eventually. For now, I'm getting tired again, no surprise there, and I'll be going to bed soon. G'night, all.

Friday... I don't even remember what happened properly. For what I remember, that was the day at the pool. We swam, and were generally jovial at the pool. No surprise there, I guess. Rachel was there again, and once again, it was nice to talk to her. Sabrina and I went back to my house afterwards, and from what I remember, had a quiet night at home. Saturday, she worked in the snack bar of the pool all day. I waited until 7, when we were going to pick her up to go to a bonfire at my aunt's house. I loafed around all day, was generally idle except when I helped my dad tune my mom's guitar, since he restrung it. I played a few songs with him, looked a few up for my mom, then we left around 7:30. Sabrina was tired, and slept during most of the party. Except eating hotdogs, and making smores. Todd and I played some... video game. I don't remember what it was called. Console games bore me these days. All games bore me, when I think about it. Anyway, Sabrina slept while I watched crappy TV anime on Cartoon Network. Bleh, I hate TV. Reminded me of how much I want to play some MMO, but with a lack of one out there with the requirements of being fun for me, I can't fulfil that urge. Due to being out late, Sabrina stayed the night again, which was nice, we talked until mid morning, when we finally got tired again. The next morning, we got rallied around late, and wĂtched Law and Order all day. She got a headache, and I got a stomach ache. In fact, the generally downed mood of this entry is due to the pain I'm in simply writing this. I have been in a bad mood since my sister made me hang up the phone on her husband. If she wants to ruin her life, that's fine, but I don't want to be part of it. She has been living a screwy life these last few years, then I'm the absolute polar opposite of how she's been, however, I still get the bukkake since my abstenence with Sabrina is the very cause of my stomach ache. Why, oh, why, are the good punished for what they do? What sort of screwy world is this? Why are those miserable people out there so happy in the end, and why do I (the happy person) always end up pained? Well, probably for the better that she left early tonight, and she left sad because I was in such a bad mood. I know she thinks I was mad at her. Which I definately wasn't. This stomach ache is screwing with me bad. I wanted to enjoy my day with Sabrina, quiet, and peaceful. But I guess a happy, quiet vacation is too much to ask for. Thanks, oh, eternal being of eternal giving, for giving me the complete inability tobe happy. It's so easy to make me happy, I have all I really need to be happy. But something always screws up. Thanks again, oh, Superior Being of Love.
I'm back... something really crappy just happened, but I'm through it. I just realized how alone I am. There is not a person on this planet who can symphathize with my issue right now. I guess I'll just go to sleep, alone, and in pain. G'night.
Another edit... don't edit text files in Linux if you created it in Windows.

Well, today was a pretty mediocre day among days that should be vacation. This vacation is starting to wear on me. I need to get something done before I blow up. Meh. I woke up this morning, felt terrible, but was feeling better. As soon as I went upstairs, I was greeted with pancakes. Sweet, delicious pancakes. Sabrina even showed up early, before I got the chance to shower. So I showered when she showed up. No worries there. We spent the day together, but she had a headache until I made her take some Advil and take a nap. We woke up refreshed, and watched Happy Gilmore and some Law and Order before she left for the night. I knew what was ahead of me. More stomache ache, more mind-numbing boredom, and that artistic urge within me growing ever stronger. I have a need to create, a need to do something with my time. I feel that this urge is my MMORPG addiction coming back. Sad thing about that is, none of the current MMOs on the market today are up to my insanely high standards. That's a pain in itself, isn't it? Wanting something that doesn't exist, and you are powerless since it's much too vast to create yourself. I haven't the resources, time, knowledge, and fanbase to make even the simplest of games. Bah. Damnation. I'm getting excited for school again. Which hurts, because in two weeks, I know I'll want to be back on vacation, hating my classes all over again. Figures. I did cook hotdogs today. Turns out, I fried them too hot, and they were tough. Tasted good, though. It's 3:30AM, and I'm bored and tired. G'night.

So, I haven't updated in three days. Tuesday, we went to the pool, had a wonderful day. Spent time with friends, which is always fun. A storm rolled in around 5, so we all went home. We just had a nice night at home after that. Wednesday, I went out driving with Casey. We picked up Sabrina, then went to practice parallel parking behind the license center. I kicked butt and am now ready for my test. We got an appointment for the test for later in July. Exciting, I hope I don't fail. My permit expires by the time I could get a second test. Thursday, today, Sabrina came over early, and we spent the day together. All was pretty much quiet, nice day, until Kelly and Todd showed up. We all played Linux games and watched some TV. I'm a boring person while I'm at home. Ooh, yesterday, I forgot to mention, Sabrina and my family went to see my sister's new house. She's moving in with Tom in a duplex in Spears, near Charleroi. Not exactly comforting, as I know how tĂose two can be when together for too long. I can only imagine how that'll turn out. However, I wish them the best. Touring the house made me unusually excited for my future. I've been plagued by this need to get out there and start living recently, and it won't subside, and the stupidest things make it more. Example, I was scanning the TV's music channels, and I came across the Alternative channel playing "Novocane For The Soul" by The Eels, which I listened to a lot while I played Asheron's Call last time I actually enjoyed it. I got the mp3 from Joey. A double whammy there, and I remembered that I didn't want to be back in High School, as everyone said I'd want. Too much pain back there. Ahead of me, I have a promising future and a happy life. Therein lies the pain for now. Right. Time to get some rest. I need to stop staying up all night watching stupid TV shows. It's melting my brain.