Pneity

Progressing nowhere on Pneumatic Yeti is one thing. A dying, crashing server is another. And not updating my weblog in a half a month or so is yet another. I'm back at it, though. The last few weeks have contained very little actual life. Mostly just boring wandering to and from school and home. As for recently, I've been doing a lot to keep this webserver maintained, and operational. In fact, last night, we got a dual boot to work between Win2000 and Fedora Core 3 (Details will be in the comptuer solutions section soon). I slept during the day yesterday, and was up all night. I always hate doing that because I drag ass all day, especially on Fridays where I can't just go to sleep after school, because I get to go home. Meh. I'll survive, I always do. As per the weekend, I'll finally be getting a haircut. I plan to get a lot of pictures of my hair before and after, and have them posted to the site here as soon as possible. Been planning next week's agenda with my friend Joey, who's coming back on leave for Prom. We're going to see the Star Wars III premier Wednesday night, too. I'm all excited about it. Meh. Not much else to say, except good to be back.

What a crap day, looking back. At least, the day didn't make my mood any better than it started out in. I could tell from when I got no sleep the night before that today would suck. I got nothing done in school, and even skipped Unix class. I hope this isn't some sort of bitter, downward spiral that will result in my crap grades and attendance. Meh. Failed at Bag in DDR, sat around near the machine, waiting to think if I wanted to play another game. Didn't play, walked back to the dorms. I fell asleep for about two hours, and woke up to my sister telling me she'd be at the dorms soon to pick me up for the weekend. Sure enough, she arrived, and I had already fallen back asleep. I got ready real quick, said my goodbyes for the weekend, and drove home. We picked Sabrina up, and went home. I ate some hotdogs and beans that my dad had made, then Kelly showed up and we went to my aunt's for music. Boring night at music, except the kittens that gave me allergy issues. I fell asleep in the couch around 9:30... woke up to them looking for the remote. Sabrina might have said 5 words to me for the rest of the night after that. We dropped her and Kelly off in the rain, and now I'm back home. Meh. Time to fall asleep.

Weird day. I woke up four times. Couldn't commit to a time until a half hour before Sabrina was supposed to show up. She came about a half hour late, and the whole time she was here she didn't say much. Something was on her mind. But I don't know. She wouldn't tell me. As usual, I can't get a read on her. And she's farther from me than ever recently. I'd hate to worry about Prom, but I'd sure like to know what's going on. I did get a haircut today, though. That's very exciting to me. It's not even a half inch long now, as opposed to 5 inches. I can't believe it was that long. Sabrina says I look younger like this. And that's fine for me. I don't want to be old. Not yet, at least. I've always been young at heart. Anyway, now, when I use facial expressions, people can see them. Tonight, when my dad got back from poker at my Aunt Mary's, he made us some eggs. I worry about his generally declining health, but he's a wonderful father. Always been there for his family. I hope I have been doing well for him. Of course, I want him to look to me with pride.

Well, Sunday was nice. Took Sabrina three attempts, but we had a nice day. Around 9, I returned to school. Hobson commendeered me and my server... all night. We installed Fedora Core 3 Linux, and we even got a Windows driver wrapper for the wireless card. We just couldn't figure out how to connect to my highly secure network... or any other networks. Baby steps, I guess. He brought over some Dave's Insanity Sauce, and I tried my hand at it. Four drops in a pack of ramen noodles incapacitated me. I didn't enjoy them (or the three bites I had) and Hobson finished 'em off. I now question the habañero peppers my dad is growing in the garden for me. I could smell the hell in a bottle from the getgo, and I underestimated it. I'll have to develop a better tolerance to it. Anyway... Monday, being up all night killed me, and I slept through school. I felt terrible. I did the wrong problem in Visual Basic class, and finished the program before realizing it. I literally slept through Unix. I got back to the dorms and slept until 10, when I woke up, ate some refridgerated bbq chicken that Chris had made earlier, and went back to sleep. Fourteen hours of sleep is pretty hardcore, and today I felt much better. I apologized to Mr. C for my state the day before, and he seemed to approve. I'm sure he doesn't approve of mine and the class' behavior as of late. I got out of school today, took my guitar down to Hobson's room and recorded some hardcore folk music with him. We have formed the acoustic-emo-hardcore-LoFi duo emosabe and nooberstiltskin. Our first rushed release was even put up in preparation for the new Star Wars movie, which the prom group I'm going with has made plans to go see tomorrow. Check my shameless plug, you bums. Well, we went and played football on the practice soccer field down the road, and I had a good game until some Duquesne dude showed up and outclassed us hardcore style. Even when the team started doing well, I stopped doing well, throwing interceptions, not catching anything, and dropping the ball for no apparent reason. Aargh. On the way back, I related my thoughts of school with my classmates, and who knows what they thought about it. It's looking like my server died, then I remembered, the router got reset yesterday, and it got a new IP. Port forwarding didn't update the IP. Buh. Now, it's looking like I'll be going to get that network usage monitor from downstairs before I pass out for the night.

Wonderful. In every aspect. I got a good bit accomplished in school today, including the completion of my résumé. Sabrina and Kelly couldn't come to get me, so my family sent my aunt Karen to get me. We had nice conversation on the way home, and once I got home, I passed out on my bed for a few hours. Despite a few phone calls detailing what it would take for the night to take shape, I slept about two hours before I left for Sabrina's. I played a few rounds of DDR with her sister, while talking to her sister's friend, Andrew, who seems to be a very cool guy. Kala picked us up, and we headed to the airport. We missed the exit, had to backtrack a bit, but we picked him up about 20 minutes after his plane arrived. Afterward, we all headed to the Waterfront to see the new Star Wars movie. What a beautiful movie. Wow. It wrapped things up perfectly, and much better than I expected them to. Though, someone should teach the people who decided upon camera angles and such that facial zooming isn't a good option during a lightsaber battle. I'm sure we missed some good fighting because of that. Anyway, despite that slight issue, I was pleased. After the movie, Joey and I faught with lightsabers in the movie theatre parking lot. The whole way home, the four of us could not stop laughing. Joey and I because we are entertained by each other and Kala and Sabrina because they were very tired. We would periodically stop and have random lightsaber battles (Red Caboose parking lot, Belle Vernon High School parking lot, Burger King parking lot, Sabrina's house). Wonderful stuff. It truly reminded me of how things were back in high school. Reminding me of the only thing I miss from high school. The close friendship I had with two or three wonderful people. I'd die to have that back, and for a few hours tonight, it sure felt like I did. Now, it's 5 AM, and I'm back home, they've dropped me off. May the memory of tonight remind me always that life is definately a happy thing if you're out living it. I'll leave it as a reminder that once I finish school, I'm free to do what I want. I cannot bind myself as I'm sure I will. In fact, about a year from now, I'll reread this, I'm sure. I leave this as a message to myself. Stop being a douchebag and live. It doesn't hurt.

Have you ever had the perfect weekend? I would love to know why, OH, why... does what would have been the perfect weekend have to be ruined by a crappy ending? Perhaps it's just my luck, perhaps it's fate, but whatever it is, I don't like it. As for everything, it was great. Thursday morning, I picked up my tux, had to get it lengthened, and was told to come back later. Sabrina was going to come over around 4. Unfortunately, so did my aunt Karen (she took me to get my tux pants). I left Sabrina a note and went on my way. When I got back, she was watching TV in the chair in the living room. We had a nice night, she left early to get some sleep for the next day. Friday morning, my whole family came over to see Todd and I all dressed up. We didn't disappoint. We went to Kelly's to pick up her and Sabrina. And we did. They were beautiful. We went to the school and waited around for what seemed like forever between pictures and the Grand March. Grand March was nice, but I screwed it up, looked like a douchebag. Afterwards, we waited around, got pictures taken, and when we finally found our limo, we piled into it and went on along our way. We got there, it was beautiful. That's when the first shake happened, but it was smoothed over with some crazy techno dancing. We had a wonderful night. We went back to Kala's house for the night, and it was great too. Hanging out with old friends, it, too, felt awesome, if a bit awkward in their huge, beautiful house. After waking up, cleaning up, and being ready, we went to Kennywood around 3 PM. It sprinkled rain on the way there. We parked on the hill, rode the skilift down. The skilift scared the crap out of me at first, but I dealt with it better than Sabrina did. We even saw a car accident in the parking lot below us. That lady looked pissed. We ate, rode, rode, drank, rode, rode, drank, rode, binged on cotton candy, rode, and left. Was a fun day. I even got accustomed to riding the Phantom's Revenge. Basically, snot didn't shoot up through my nose into my empty, allergenic sinus cavities this time. I might even say I enjoyed myself on those rides. Skilift was down when we left the park, so we had to hike back up the hill. We rode back, and I said my goodbyes to Joey and Kala. I hate having Joey away. It really irks me that my best friend is 500 miles away in the military, while I'm here rotting away at a school that I'm starting to hate. Anyway, I return to the story. Joey dropped us off at Kelly's so we could spend the night. I knew I didn't want to stay there. Her family is nice, but there is an aura in that house of absolute sadness. It must have spread because Sabrina and I had another problem, turning the shaking from Prom turned into a volcano of inner pain. It's not the kind of problem that I can deal with alone due to it's nature, so I have saught council from my mom and will soon seek council at Eyes On Final Fantasy's EoEO section (which I haven't gone to in months). Needless to say, I'm not happy now. I have to go back to school tonight, and will inevatibely have a terrible week to compound the terrible ending to my perfect weekend. I guess that's the price for actually enjoying myself for once. I want to GTFO. Dammit.

It's cold and rainy now. Even the weather mocks me. But anyway, what can I do? Today mostly consisted of failing in most all activities I participated in, and sleeping. They let me into school, which I actually didn't think they did since I forgot to bring back my financial aid information from home, as they won't let me into classes until I get that in. Each day this week will be a gamble, I feel. I didn't seem to miss much from any of my classes. Good news there, I guess. Still neeĂ to catch up on all the virtual machine work for Networking I have to do. I've been up since 11 AM, and would have swore I was tired enough to sleep the night, but I'm still awake. I watched the Star Wars Trilogy special features disc that Sabrina let me borrow. Earlier, I decided that the thing I'm best at cooking is hot dogs, as they always turn out so good. Especially with a mixture of hot sauces. I await those habañero peppers that my dad is growing for me. Hobson ate a few in class today, Chuck brought some in. Good stuff, I guess. I tried writing some batch files to automatically display the access logs on this webserver, but it didn't work out well. I hate never knowing quite enough about what I'm doing to finish the job. Meh. We had a speaker for Professional Development today who basically rehashed everything that we had learned in ProD and our old writing classes. Apparently, this stuff isn't easy enough for most people to understand, though I think it's a waste of my time to reiterate this common logic to us. Education fails again. Even at this level, I guess. One thing I realized today was that I think I'm done with Photoshop for now. I looked at the Tomoyo CG that I put so much effort into and realized that I just wasn't doing it right. I'll leave that CGing to the professionals, and I'll continue making crappy websites like this one. I hope it doesn't rain quite as much tomorrow as it did today. Rain is almost as depressing as the cold has been now. I'm sick of weather in general. I'm sick of a lot of things these days it seems. I came to the assumption that happiness is really far away from me at this point, and I can only wait until the next tragedy dumps itself on my head. I wait intently at that. It pains me at how negative I've been in the last few days, but I can't seem to help it. I'm finally submitting to the world and my own weaknesses. I've stopped futilly trying the things I once would have pursued, like playing the B chord on guitar, and writing those little batch files that do small tasks on my server. Especially, I have stopped caring about what I say, and saying it at lesser intervals. But hey, I changed my cursor today, after using the rotating arrow for over half a year. Gee, my life is fulfilling, ain't it? I should have gone to apply for that lifeguarding job, but I didn't. I'll do it Wednesday. Or I won't, and I'll let it slide once again. I don't want a job if it means I can't go home and see the last remaining people I care about anymore. If only I could get through these next seven months quicker...

Well, I'm sick now. What started as what seemed to be a normal bad allergy season's allergy attack turned out to be a sinus cold. I've never had one of these before, and I'll assure you that they suck. I'm not enjoying this to say the least. When I got back from school, I ate a tuna sandwich and gave Pascal my Fedora Core discs, which didn't even end up working on his computer. I came back to the dorm and fell asleep. Woke up around 7:30 for bacon hamburgers, and watched a bit of Robin Williams' comedy act with Chris before passing out again. I slept until now, being 2:50 AM. I woke up having to pee and with a mouth full of mucous. I hate being sick, so, naturally, I am. Meh. I guess I'll just go back to sleep now. I'm so tired. So tired that I didn't even get my laptop out today. I just used my server here to do the minimal browsing I did. Oh, well. Less for me to do in the morning, I guess. G'night.

He's just staring at his computer. Creepy.

Today was probably the most fulfilling day I've had in some time. Started out with me struggling to wake up after a poor night's sleep. We were out late for music last (Friday) night (which I might add, I had fun.). Anyway... I woke up, my uncle Wade was here, and I was talking to him and my dad when Sabrina showed up. We had a nice afternoon until around 4, when I went to an outer family Memorial Day party. Sabrina didn't go, which was more than likely for the better. I played DDR and hung out with Rachel which is always a great thing. I even saw Brandon, who was back in town on leave from the Navy again. I was there until around 10, when her parents took me home. I got home around 11. I had time to relax a while, eat some Oreos until Franklin showed up on his way back home from work. He invited me to go bowling with his friends from college. So, I did. And I won all 3 games, if you count the fact that I was statistically in the lead on the 9th frame before they shut our game down. I bowled a 121 as my best. I suck, but at least that's the higher rung of sucking. His friends were cool. Though quarky, I guess I realized what I've been missing out on by going to the school I did. I guess there is a lot going through my mind now about what I'm doing after school. I want to continue with my schooling, but at the same time, I want to get a job and start my life, yet the things that Brandon told me about the military are so appealing... but in the end, I'm confused. As usual. And I'll just leave myself as such until I'm forced to make the decision. Anyway... the last thing I did tonight, after bowling, Frank took me to Jim's (one of his friend) apartment so I could see how great this strategy-mech-battle RPG game was. I can't remember it's name, but it looked cool. It's almost 5 AM. I should get to sleep. Sabrina's coming over tomorrow. Should be a quiet day at home with her. Yay.

Sorry for the lack of updates in this thing. I never get around to writing about my happenings when I'm at home, which, ironically enough, is when the most happens to me. Anyway... I'm in an odd mood tonight, as usual. Sunday, Sabrina came over and we watched Law and Order: SVU all day. Good show, and since she likes it so much, we watched the marathon all day. We had a great day. She even got to stay late. This morning, she came over again, and we had a nice few hours together. She came bearing some Dave's Insanity Sauce, which I had to try out in some chili. Delicious. Towards the end of it, she got very quiet, which I later found out was because of a headache. I wish she could always be open about such things. I thought I did something wrong, and I even still wonder if everything was ok. I guess I'm still in the dark with her. I hate ending the weekend with her on such a bad foot. And now, after some not so encouraging words from unexpected places, I think things with her may be even more difficult than I ever would have thought. Can't I just be happy with her? Must everything be that complicated? Oh, well. I won't let it get me down as much as I did last week. Every time I go home, she's completely normal again... like nothing ever happened. And I let it go. Oh, well. I'm back at school now. Got here earlier, because my sister rushed me out around 4 PM. Hobson and I worked on Active Ingredients II, a spin on his brother's song. I'm now sitting around, listening to Mazedude's Electric FantasyĂbecause Chris is asleep, and I feel like relaxing. This is a nice song to do that to. Meh. I guess I have classes tommorow. Happy uneventful Memorial Day. The holiday which doesn't mean what it used to now. I'm actually not looking forward to the summer. I can't believe I said that, either.

So, then... another day behind me. A relatively uneventful day where I didn't fall further behind in school work. Another day where I continue accomplishing nothing, and feeling worthless. Am I using this blog to it's full potential yet? Meh. I've got too much on my mind tonight. Though, something tells me I shouldn't. #eoff is having entirely too many religious debates today. I just wish they could all realize that they're Ăll morons and get over themselves. Anyway, after school today, I came right back to the dorms and slept. I had to be ready for the football game. I woke up from a pretty crazy dream (all my family's possessions were destroyed, but it allowed me to fulfil my piddly material desires. A sort of realization dream for me, perhaps?) ... anyway I woke from the dream having to pee. Then I remembered that they turned the water to the building off. I broke down around 5:30 PM to pee, and strangely enough, as I peed, it came back on. Shortly after that, we went to play football. Looked like things were going to suck when only 3 of us showed up, but then the rest of the hoarde showed up. We played 8 on 8, then a shorter game of 7 on 7. I got owned repeatedly, and made a few nice plays. All in all, it was fun, but I'm worthless in physical competition. I miss swimming when I play football. A field where I was nearer to the top, and it was still fun and competitive. I know I'll never see that again. Oh, well. I continue to not miss any other facet of my high school life, even while my friends recount their experiences in graduation being the season for such things. I grow further bitter at all those who are ending the year out now, while I rot away in class every day. This summer is going to suck. Anyway... after football, I got back to the dorms, cooled off a bit, and go to work on my Linux server. The self proclaimed last ditch effort at getting it to connect wirelessly. Failure again, so I'm done with it. I'll format the hard drive and god knows what I'll do with the extra 12 GB of space that won't be wasted on that God forsaken operating system. I love the concepts of Linux, but being a newbie is too hard. Especially, when before I can explore the joys of Linux, I have to go through some pretty advanced crap about getting the Wireless drivers to work, and pick up a connection through my oversecure router. Aargh. I'm done with this crap. Windows 2000 it is. I built a computer on Newegg last night, and shared it with friends at school today. I get excited doing all that, but it's a painful realization of how limited I am right now. I want to get out of school, so I can start doing the things I'm held back from doing now, both monetarily, and this trapped feeling of staying at the dorms with no form of transportation to anywhere unless I spend a few hours walking to get there. Feh.