Pneity

It's been a complicated last few weeks. I hope future me can forgive me not documenting this piece of my life. But let me recap. This semester started hard. I am taking four classes. Two simple classes, one technical catching up class, and one technical class where I'm totally out of my element. All of these classes have had a TON of work that needs done. I'm always on my toes. Procrastination isn't helping me, and has actively hurt me. End of last month signaled the end of Asheron's Call 2 for good this time. I worked overnights in the week leading to it. I leveled my zealot to hero with Stim and the guys on there. I went out with a bang and had one last blast that weekend. The morning it died, I went to class then came home, having taken the day off work. I wanted to be there. And I was there. I played up until the end, when we all portaled out one last time. I joined a Discord voice chat server with the dudes leading the efforts to save the AC franchise games. Unsuccessfully. I wish I had the gifts needed to know how to help code that emulator. Alas, I must resign that one to the AKA Steve dudes. I gave them my packet captures with all the hope in the world attached. Let's jump back to the week before that. Several weeks before, even. December, a coworker of mine showed me the Uniqlock. It's a flash applet hosted by the kind folks who run UNIQLO Japan. It features smooth electronic music set to a 60 BPM ticking sound, every 5 seconds a clock takes over, and is interrupted by 5 more seconds of girls dancing robotically in the UNIQLO fashions from 2008-2010. For real, back to the last week of the month. I was preparing for the end of AC2. I wasn't preparing for the end of the UNIQLOCK. Despair befell me for several weeks before I had a stroke of brilliance at work. The archive.org Wayback Machine. That thing collects old web data. Maybe it had the UNIQLOCK? It was a flash applet and I didn't know the details of how it worked, so I had no hope there. But to my surprise, it loaded and worked perfectly. I set to work. I downloaded every file I could from archive.org, only to find that the videos were simple flash video files. Hundreds of them. And the Google Chrome developer console pointed me to every one of them. So now, I have a fully functional UNIQLOCK of my own. Due to copyright reasons, I could never rehost it myself. I put out a distress signal on Twitter with the hopes that anyone searching the topic can find my offer of an offline UNIQLOCK. Digital necromancy feels very good. I can't save my beloved Asheron's Call 2, but I can pull off minor feats like this. I got a request from Twitter that I download the UNIQLO Calendar in case it gets pulled soon as well. It's a good idea. I spent an hour or so (probably more...) pulling down those files and I believe I have about half of them done. Mind you, I did all of this so I could procrastinate harder on my Javascript homework. Fancy that, I am doing some advanced technical, but tiresome chore of an assignment rather than the thing that will get me better grades in school. Ugh. It's nearly 3 AM and my offline UNIQLOCK is gonna do a sequence break soon. I took a long nap earlier to the sound of Jackhammers taking apart the ramp up to the bank next door earlier today, and I guess it gave me the energy to stay up all night. Ate some wings from a local pizza place, had an allergic reaction of some sort. All that and I'm sick with a head cold. I need to sleep. I can stop typing. G'night.

So I'm officially at the point where I'm lashing out at friends over stress. It's midterms week. Last weekend, I was completely lethargic. I had a mountain of work and studying to do, but I couldn't find the will to actually do it. Throughout the week, I've been doing stuff. It's been productive, but about a quarter of where I need to be. Tonight, I poured myself over my Business Analytics homework from two weeks ago. I didn't understand it then and I don't understand it now. I can only tell my professor so many times that I just don't and assumingly can't. I can't understand k-means. I won't understand it no matter how many times I read that poorly laid out chapter. No matter how many times I do it, my numbers are going to end up wrong. It's all my fault and I know it. But what kind of pipe dream am I chasing? I'm so angry right now I'd never be able to go to sleep like I know I need to. I just want to find a bridge and jump. Not into water, but the hard bits on the sides of the bridge. I don't want to survive that shit. I live in the City of Bridges, at least. Naw. I'm gonna fight through this. Probably fail the class, but whatever. I'm going to school for the next 4 years anyway so what's it matter? I lashed out at a good friend who was trying to be a good friend on Facebook. I lashed out bad. I was rude, but I don't think anything I said was wrong. I'm miserable. I'm incurably broken. I want to go to sleep tonight and not wake up. This is where I am.