I disappeared again, didn't I? I didn't want to leave on a negative, unsure note but I did. Again. I may never find myself in a smooth groove. For that, I apologise. Let me catch us up on where we have been.
My last post was from a point of great anger and frustration. I have some writing I did during last year's Japan trip I hope to add into this page, but it will take some editing since I'll have to modify the date of the post. Technical bits which I am way less afraid of these days, but I have to actually set myself to do it. And it sounds like a pain. But a blog post at 30,000 feet over Alaska is pretty cool, right?
So after my dad's hospitalization early last year, he came home and things sort of returned to normal. New medications and new awareness of his state of mind and condition of body. Awareness brings preparedness. He had more cancer treatments, new cancer fears, and operations that seem to have him in a good state right now. In early December, he had a big surgery on his kidneys that hurt him bad. I wasn't sure he would bounce back. A second surgery happened later in the month, barely recovered from the last, and he bounced back from that one quickly. He started having some specific body pains that went form his neck and shoulder to his entire body. He's not moving around as well but is still his charming, active self. He got his old guitar back from my uncle and wants to play it more but the pain stops him. I feel pretty bad about all that. I can only be there for him and watch it all go down. I'm not good at that due to my own state of mind.
I've realized that my state of living is every sign of depression. I'm in a constant state of disarray. Lethargy. I don't do much. I can't do much. All my stuff was taken down from the shelves and moved throughout the basement floor in order to make room to get to the furnace which blew up early last winter. Not even sure I mentioned that in any posts. It stayed there for nearly the whole year. In the fall, I decided to do something about it. Fixed my shelves and rearranged things. Moved all my server equipment to the other side of the room. But the UPS battery started lighting an error light. Faulty wiring in the outlet. I bought a tester and yep, no ground. This basement is soooo unsafe.
So in a panic, I moved everything back to its old place, but now the shelves have things on them again and are in relative order. Just not great, lots of clutter.
I want to say a few more things about last year but I have to tell you about Japan 2023 first. That'll be my next post. It builds into the story of the rest of my year.